Something old, something different.
From the book, "Nize Baby," by Milt Gross, 1926. A sample of a young mother's quirky take on the classic tales.
Elledin Witt de Wanderful Lemp.
Oohoo, nize baby, zipp opp all de horange-jooze, so momma’ll gonna tell you a ferry tale from Elledin Witt de Wanderful Lemp. Wance oppon a time was leeving in China a werry, werry poor weedow wot she hed it a son from de name from Elledin. So he was a goot-for-notting, wot de whole day he was playing Ma Jonk instat wot he should attent to de lundry. So, it stodded in to complain de costomers wot dey sad, “—Hm – de teeckets you meexing opp und de collars we sanding you wot you should iron dem, so instat you shoppening dem. Und de Bivvy-Dizz you stotching opp yat!! Is diss a system???” (Nize baby, take anodder zip horange-jooze.)
Pot II
So it went leedle by leedle to de dugs de beezness besites wot it uppened opp yat gredually a rifle acruss de stritt. So hall in hall – Elledin became don witt out.
So, wan day he was seeting, wot he was playing a song on a mandarin, so it came along a men wot he sad he was a lung-lust huncle witt a beeg botter-und-agg men. (Of cuss, he deedn’t rilly was; he was rilly a doidy crook from a megeecian wit a susser!) So, he gritted Elledin werry cudgelly wot he sad, “Mmmm, mm, hollo naffew dollink!! Sotch a beeg hendsome shick you grew opp. How’s de momma? C’mon, lat’s we’ll gonna knock over a bowl rize!!”
So, Elledin went witt heem so dey arrifed gredually in a plaze so de huncle made a mysteerous notion witt de hends wot it uppened opp in de grond a hole. So de huncle sad, “Naffew dollink, go don stess so you’ll see henging dere a lemp so you’ll breeng me opp de lemp like a goot boy!!”
So, Elledin was extrimmingly souprised witt dazzled witt bewilted, so he compiled gredually witt de requast so he fond de lemp so he studded in he should come opp so de huncle sad:
“Gimme foist de lemp.”
So, Elledin sad, “Lat me foist I should come opp.”
So de huncle reppitted, “Gimme foist de lemp!”
So Elledin sad, “Lat me foist I should come opp!”
So de huncle sad, “Gimme foist de lemp, you frash keed.”
So Elledin sad, “In you hat!!”
So de huncle sad, “Hm! beck-tuk, witt smot-crecks, ha?? Wait, I’ll geeve you!! You tink wot I’m you huncle, ha? Dope! So, I’m rilly Pincus de Megeecian!! Hm, you gatting pale, ha? Wait yat!” So, he gave gredually a yell, “Huckuss Puckuss!!!” --- wot it closed opp de hole so he ren away. (Mm-mm, dot doity ting!)
Pot Tree
So dun’t esk!! So, it sizzed Elledin sotch a penic witt a fright wot he was sheevering witt shaking like a aspirin leaf. So, in de minntime he gave accidentically a rob witt de helbow de lemp so it appeared in de front from heem a Ginny wot he sad, “Yassar, wot you weesh, sar?”
So Elledin esked, “Who you?”
So de Ginny sad, “Any one wot he geeves a rob de lemp so wotever he weeshes so I foolfeel heem de weesh!! Wot you’ll gonna have?!”
So, Elledin sad, “Hm—lat’s see . . . Breeng me a cheecken chommain witt a plate boid’s nast zoop, witt yom dom, witt bamboo chutes, witt a pot from hoolong tea, und breeng batter a hextra pair chopsteecks.!!”
So efter dees he went gradually home wot he robbed a whole day lung de lemp wot he, witt de momma, hed it everyting wot dey weeshed. So, he merried gredually de Soltan’s dudder. Und de megeecian, dot crook, he hed to seet yat in preeson.
(Hm, sotch a dollink baby – zipped opp all de horange-jooze!) |
