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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (28274)	6/18/2003 5:19:47 PM
From: Knighty Tin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62569

OT, Let's see, Clinton pardons investment fraud king, Marc Rich. Giuliani unfairly persecutes Drexel out of business and, probably fairly, puts Mike Milken behind bars for lesser investment infractions, making his political name. Seems like they'd have a lot to talk about. <G>

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (28274)	6/19/2003 9:23:59 AM
From: Arthur Radley	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62569

A man was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence against him, but they had no corpse. In his closing arguement, his lawyer said, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you. Within one minute, the person assumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." The jurors all looked toward the door. A minute passed. Nothing happened and no one walked through the door. "I made that up, said the lawyer. "But you all looked, so I think you have reasonable doubt that anyone was killed. I ask that you return with a not guilty verdict." The jury left to deliberate and returned in five minutes with a guilty verdict. When the lawyer asked the jury foreman why had they returned so quickly and why didn't they believe his reasonable doubt point, the jury foreman said, "Yes, we all looked toward the door, BUT your client didn't."

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (28274)	6/19/2003 6:09:10 PM
From: Tomato	Respond to of 62569

Signs On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business." ************************ Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." ********************** At a Proctologist's door "To expedite your visit please back in." ********************** On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." ********************** On a Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.." ********************** Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." ********************** At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." ********************** On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?" ********************** At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." ********************** On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." ********************** In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you ! are on fire and take appropriate action." ********************** On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." ********************** At an Optometrist's Office "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." ********************** On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." ********************** In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." ********************** On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive." ********************** At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." ********************** Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." ********************** In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" ********************** At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." ********************** In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up." ********************** In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." ********************** At a Propane Filling Station, "Thank heaven for little grills." ************************ And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."