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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tadsamillionaire who wrote (28834)	7/31/2003 7:15:47 AM
From: Guardian	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62593

> Even though this lady is residing in MY house, she may at some time > appear in yours. Be alert! > A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into > my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she > got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one-day > she wasn't there, and the next day she was! She is a clever old lady > and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass > a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror > to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, > completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude! > I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back. The least > she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a > while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose > change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want > to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I > go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone! > I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old > lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that > money to buy wrinkle cream. > And ... money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing. Food > seems to disappear at an alarming rate--especially the good stuff like > ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but > she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. > I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is > tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too. > For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, > like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so > they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't > find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat > and organized. She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She > gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the > print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister > to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear > are mumbles and whispers. > She has done other things ... like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum > cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even > made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real > challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put > them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for > me to open the jars. > She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try > something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and > monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, > plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me. > Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. > She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's > license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of > me! > I hope she never finds out where YOU live!