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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (29057)	8/12/2003 3:45:47 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62569

Bob Hope One-Liners Here are some of the one-liners over the years which helped to make Bob Hope the incomparable comic that he was: "I felt I wasn't getting anywhere in England." - Explaining why his family emigrated to the USA when he was four. "I always like to go to Washington DC. It gives me a chance to visit my money." - On touring the US Treasury. "Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career." "My folks were English. They were too poor to be British. I still have a bit of British in me. In fact, my blood type is solid marmalade." "Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you're God's frozen people." - To GIs based in Alaska. "The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie - and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark ..." "People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy." "If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." "It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing." - On travelling in Concorde. "A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal." - On President Carter. "Lots of travel, away from home." - Explaining his long and happy marriage. "I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else." - At the age of 91. "I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support." "Fish don't applaud." - On cutting short a cruise his doctor had ordered him to take. "If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it." - Denying reports during a Christmas troop show in Saigon that he was worth $500 million. "Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off and it was so successful she turned it into a series." "Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless." - On hearing about his 1998 knighthood.