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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: TigerPaw who wrote (29111)	8/18/2003 9:50:31 AM
From: Guardian	Respond to of 62567

Subject: Did you know? * * Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. * *************************** * I am in shape. * Round is a shape. * *************************** * Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. * *************************** * Never be afraid to try something new. * Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. * *************************** * Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. * *************************** * Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. * *************************** * Even if you are on the right track, * you'll get run over if you just sit there. * *************************** * Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be * changed regularly and for the same reason. * *************************** * An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. * A pessimist fears that this is true. * ************************** * There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse * every year. * *************************** * In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. * *************************** * Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before. * *************************** * I am a nutritional overachiever. * *************************** * I am having an out of money experience. * *************************** * I plan on living forever. So far, so good. * *************************** * Practice safe eating -- always use condiments. * *************************** * A day without sunshine is like night. * *************************** * If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. * *************************** * It's frustrating when you know all the answers, * but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. * *************************** * The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the * right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. *************************** * Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. * *************************** * Age doesn't always bring wisdom. * Sometimes age comes alone. * *************************** * Life not only begins at forty, * it also begins to show. * ************************** * You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old * because you stopped laughing.

To: TigerPaw who wrote (29111)	8/18/2003 11:38:39 AM
From: Knighty Tin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

OT, Jesus is still alive.

To: TigerPaw who wrote (29111)	8/18/2003 7:53:02 PM
From: David Miller	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62567

Tiger Paw, I hate to be pedantic but A billion seconds ago it was 1971, not 1959. A billion minutes ago, Jesus would have been 100 years old, even allowing for the change from the Julian to Gregorian calendar A billion hours ago our ancestors were indeed living in the Stone Age. But you don't get many marks for this, as there were Stone Ages from the time of Australopithecus (ten billion hours ago) to the late Paleolithic, a mere hundred million hours ago - and beyond. Two orders of magnitude of latitude on this one. Scratch that. I enjoy being pedantic. OJ: Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Fifty-Four. 8 to argue 1 to get a continuance 1 to object 1 to demur 2 to research precedents, 1 to dictate a letter 1 to stipulate 5 to turn in their time cards 1 to depose 1 to write interrogatories 3 to settle 1 to order a secretary to change the bulb, and 28 to bill for professional services