To: James F. Hopkins who wrote (80340 ) 9/1/2003 4:48:00 PM From: NOW Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 209892 Astute observations on life ....... I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall". (Eleanor Roosevelt) Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. (Mark Twain) The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible. (George Burns) Santa Claus has the right idea -- visit people only once a year. (Victor Borge) Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. (Mark Twain) What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.(Mark Twain) My wife is a sex object -- every time I ask for sex, she objects. (Les Dawson) By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates) I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (Groucho Marx) My wife has a slight impediment in her speech -- every now and then she stops to breathe. (Jimmy Durante) The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. (Jilly Cooper) I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. (Zsa Zsa Gabor) Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. (Alex Levine) Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. (Mark Twain) My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. (Ed Furgol) Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. (Spike Milligan) What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. (Henny Youngman) I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. (Mark Twain) Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.' (Joe Namath) Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. (Herbert Henry Asquith) I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. (Bob Hope) A woman drove me to drink -- and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her. (W.C. Fields) I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. (W.C. Fields) It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. (George Burns)