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Pastimes : Jokes and Humor Only -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ian@SI who wrote (345)	9/4/2003 1:17:59 PM
From: SofaSpud	Respond to of 6741

Another on the theme: This is an actual letter of resignation from an > >employee at "Zantex Computers", Australia, to his > >boss, J.Pilgrim. His boss,known as Pilly, apparently > >resigned very soon afterwards! > > > >Dear Mr Pilgrim, > >As an employee of an institution of higher education, > >I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among > >these is that my direct superiors have an intellect > >that ranges above the common ground squirrel. > >After your consistent and annoying harassment of my > >co-workers and myself during the commission of our > >duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few > >true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network > >administrator, to explain every little nuance of > >everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my > >office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste > >of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to > >network computer systems, and you were apparently > >hired to provide amusement to myself and other > >employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand > >the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. > >You will never understand computers. > >Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives > >you too many options. You will also never understand > >why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain > >it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as > >effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new > >iMac has more personality than you ever will. > >You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly > >looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed > >useless look about you that may have worked for your > >interview, but now that you actually have > >responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, > >hoping their talent will cover for your glaring > >ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you > >are the blue-green algae that veryone else eats and > >laughs at. > >Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert > >principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to > >change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy > >reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; > >however I have a few parting thoughts. > > > >1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, > >it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The > >most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to > >comment." I will have friends randomly call you over > >the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I > >know you would be unable to do it on your own. > > > >2. I have all the passwords to every account on the > >system, and I know every password you have used for > >the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am > >going to publish your "favourites list", which I > >conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your > >useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" > >are not usually viewed favourably by the > >administration. > > > >3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take > >pictures of your mothers birthday", you neglected to > >mention that you were going to take pictures of > >yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase > >them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it > >to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup > >bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied > >and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a > >glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell > >check please. I hate having to correct your mistakes.) > > > >Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of > >recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One > >word of this to anybody, and all of your little > >twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the > >public. > > > >Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? > >Because they know what you do with all that free time! > >