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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (29355)	9/18/2003 11:25:54 AM
From: honjohn007	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62559

Highly Illogical Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history and logic. "What's logic?" asked Bubba. The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed-whacker?" "I sure do," answered the redneck. "Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor. "That's real good," the redneck responded in awe. The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house." Impressed, the redneck shouted, "AMAZIN'!" "And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife." "Betty Mae! This is incredible!" "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor. "You're absolutely right! Why, that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of! I cain't wait to take this here logic class." Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting. "So, what classes are ya takin?" he asks. "Math, history and logic," replies Bubba. Cooter says, "What in tarnation is logic?" "Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?" "No." "You're a queer, ain't ya?"

To: Barney who wrote (29355)	9/18/2003 7:09:48 PM
From: Doug Coughlan	Respond to of 62559

Times have changed. Years ago...When 100 white men chased 1 black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; Today they call it the PGA TOUR.....

To: Barney who wrote (29355)	9/24/2003 11:26:32 AM
From: Ron	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62559

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1.) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp. 2.) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3.) There are 12 disciples, not 10.. 4.) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5.) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6.) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. ) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8.) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9.) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass. 10.) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11.) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" . 12.) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,. 13.) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14.) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St.. Taffy’s.