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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Arthur Radley who wrote (29391)	9/26/2003 9:57:35 PM
From: Tadsamillionaire	Respond to of 62562

An Updated List of Rules &Regs..... > > From the Maine Department Of Tourism > > Maine seems to be on everyone's vacation wish list. > Hence the slogan on Maine license plates, "Vacationland." > This list of rules will be handed to each person entering the > state. Vehicles with New Jersey, New York and Connecticut > plates will receive two copies: > > 1. That slope shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did > more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym. > 2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slowly you drive, > you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive > because I need it. Now drive or get it out of the way. > 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. > Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it. > 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will > get your butt kicked...by our women. > 5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot. > 6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their > final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up > to your ear at the time! > 7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. > Order it rare. Order a two pound lobster and steamers. Or, you can > order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. > 8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of > sugar and a long spoon. > 9. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over > ice. > 10. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. > We have quarter-million dollar skidders to pull logs out of the woods. > 11. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop > when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. > 12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. > So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute. > 13. Yeah, we eat lobster, scallops, clams and haddock too. If you > really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop. > 14. They are pigs and they are cows. That's what they smell like. > Get used to it. Don't like it? Interstate 95 &Maine Turnpike go two ways.... > get on the Southbound Lane! > 15. "Opening day" refers to the first days of fishin' and deer season. > They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church. > 16. So what if every person in every pickup waves? It's called being > friendly. Understand the concept? > 17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. > It spooks the fish. > 18. Chowder is supposed to be white. Don't even think of asking for > red chowder until you are somewhere safely south of White Plains. > 19. All the boats in Maine point in the same direction because > that's what harbor Masters are trained to do.