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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Carolyn who wrote (29710)	11/2/2003 6:55:49 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Subject: some thoughts When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Life is sexually transmitted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get the last word in: Apologize. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *<font color=red> AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:*<font color=black> You read about all these terrorists -- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration!!