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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (29773)	11/10/2003 8:42:24 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62559

Subject: WHY MEN DIE FIRST WHY MEN DIE FIRST This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries...... but, now we know. If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race...you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework...you're a pansy. If you work too hard...there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough...you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay...this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay.....you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her.....that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you......it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks......it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet..........it's male indifference. If you cry............you're a wimp. If you don't........you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her......... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you...... she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy....... that's domination. If SHE asks you.........it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear...... you're a pervert. If you don't..............you're gay. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape..............you're sexist. If you try to keep yourself in shape................you're vain. If you don't................you're a slob. If you buy her flowers.............you're after something. If you don't....................you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements........ you're full of yourself. If you don't....................you're not ambitious. If she has a headache............she's tired. If you have a headache.............you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often.........you're oversexed. If you don't..........there must be someone else. Men die first because they want to.

To: Barney who wrote (29773)	11/12/2003 12:20:09 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62559

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

To: Barney who wrote (29773)	11/12/2003 8:16:51 AM
From: Jagfan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62559

Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua. But on each run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow. "Fifty dollars!" she would shout from the curb. "No. Five dollars!" fired back Clinton. This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!" And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!" One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator. As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker. Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past. Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five bucks?"