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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (30080)	12/12/2003 7:57:39 AM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

The Airplane Keep the aeroplane in such an attitude that the air pressure is directly in the pilot's face. - Horatio C. Barber, 1916 When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten. - Robert Livingston, 'Flying The Aeronca' The only time an aircraft has too much fuel on board is when it is on fire. - Sir Charles Kingsford Smith, sometime before his death in the 1920's Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day. - Layton A. Bennett I hope you either take up parachute jumping or stay out of single-motored airplanes at night. - Charles A. Lindbergh, to Wiley Post, 1931 Never fly the 'A' model of anything. - Ed Thompson Never fly anything that doesn't have the paint worn off the Rudder Pedals. - Harry Bill Keep thy airspeed up, less the earth come from below and smite thee. - William Kershner Instrument flying is when your mind gets a grip on the fact that there is vision beyond sight. - U.S. Navy 'Approach' magazine circa W.W.II. The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you. - attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. - Bob Hoover It occurred to me that if I did not handle the crash correctly, there would be no survivors. - Richard Leakey, after engine failure in a single engine aircraft. Nairobi, Africa, 1993. If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it. Ride the bastard down. - Ernest K. Gann, Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am 80,000 feet and Climbing. - sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location on Kadena AB Okinawa You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. - Paul F Crickmore, The emergencies you train for almost never happen. It's the one you can't train for that kills you. - Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old pelican' Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. - Richard Herman Jr., 'Firebreak' There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1972. An airplane might disappoint any pilot but it'll never surprise a good one - Len Morgan To most people, the sky is the limit. To those who love aviation, the sky is home. The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and good bowel movement. --- The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. (A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A-320.) "Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV." It only takes two things to fly:--- airspeed and money. What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies. It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground. The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engine usually quits whining when it gets to the gate. A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner. Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club. If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to. I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale. Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son, this is where the food is."