GUESS WHO?!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2001
Not to boast, but I believe I have beaten down the environmentalists. Lemme explain. I won't limit carbon dioxide emissions at power plants, I wanna drill for oil in Alaska, I won't ban loggin' on federal land, I wanna suspend rules on mining on public lands, and I wanna relax limits on how much arsenic we oughta have in drinkin' water. All that should have the wildlife folks redder'n a hen in heat, right? Stompin' mad, right? But they're not. Fact is, every time I talk to 'em, they use words that would make you think they oppose me, but they're hollow words. Flat. Like their heart's just not in it. So I musta beaten 'em down. I mean, what else could it be?
[Posted by G.W.] 4:15 p.m.
Tuesday, March 20, 2001
Okay, I was wrong. "Hispanically" is not a word. But I don't know why not. I mean, if African Americanly is a word, then Hispanically oughtta be a word.
[Posted by G.W.] 10:22 a.m.
Okay, I am told that African Americanly is not a word either.
[Posted by G.W.] 10:37 a.m.
Well hell, so what if presidents make up words. Why can't we? All the big-time writers get to do it. Like Dr. Seuss. Nobody blinks when he says silly stuff like, "They blew on bazookas and blasted great toots, on clarinets, omm-pahs and boom-pahs and flutes." But no, if I try usin' words like "bazookas" and "clarinets," everybody says, "Oh, there goes W. makin' things up again!" It's double standardish.
[Posted by G.W.] 11:05 a.m.
The reddish-orange words are links.
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Friday, March 16, 2001
Every year around St. Patrick's Day, we celebrate St. Patrick's Day, even if we're not Irish American. (Although, frankly, I think on St. Patrick's Day, we all have a little Irish in us. God knows I do.) So in honor of the occasion, I've done a little research. Here's three things I learned:
¤ When St. Patrick was alive, he wasn't a saint, but he did all this really hard work anyway, like chasing all the snakes out of the country. Then he dies, and doesn't do anything to speak of for years, and then the Vatican names him a saint. I bet he wonders why he put in the extra effort in the first place.
¤ Leprechauns, those wee little folk, are real. I haven't seen any, but in the Clinton administration, there were not one, but two.
¤ In Ireland, Irish people are not called Irish Americans. They're called Irish. I'm serious.
[Posted by G.W.] 4:53 a.m.
Tuesday, March 13, 2001
People have asked, "Mr. President, you have more time for surfin' the Net than your predecessor, so what are your favorite sites?" Here's a few I visit every day:
¤ Cheney Heart Watch — Sometimes Dick doesn't like to let on how he's doin', and now he doesn't have to.
¤ Tony the Tiger Secret Assignment page — Us Tony the Tiger Secret Agents are supposed to be good at keepin' secrets, so I'm not gonna say too much about this site.
¤ Topological Methods in Nonlinear (Mathematical) Analysis — This is my "panic" page, like if I'm at Tony the Tiger and my chief of staff walks in and I don't want him to know what my secret assignment is, one click and I'm here instead. I have no idea what it's about.
¤ High Times — No, nothing like that. It's just that being president, I'm kinda father to the whole country, so I need to keep in touch with the young person's world. Personally, this site means nothing to me. (Although I thought the part about misting plants with carbonated water to give them extra oxygen and increase bud growth was interesting.)
[Posted by G.W.] 11:53 a.m.
Thursday, March 8, 2001
Poor Dick Cheney. Since the hospital, his mind really wanders. Like today. We're talking about that repetitive stress law we just got repealed, and he says his recent heart problems are directly due to repetitive stress at work, and now he wishes the rule was still good 'cause he'd be covered. So I say, "Aw hell, Dick, we don't need a regulation. You tell me what's causin' the stress, and I'll get rid of it."
And then outta the blue he says, "But where will you go?"
[Posted by G.W.] 4:55 p.m.
Monday, March 5, 2001
Let's find out how hip y'all are today. See, there's this thing going around the bloggin' community (of which I am a member). Kinda a techie thing. Apparently there's this game called Zero Wing where one of the characters says "All your base are belong to us." They say it's a bad translation for "All of your bases belong to us," although it sounds fine to me. Well, for some reason, all across the Net people started puttin' this "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" message everywhere, doctorin' photos and such. Y'all have a look at 'em (gotta scroll down).. Now, I think people are already sick of it, which is a good time for my administration to get involved. So me and Colin Powell and John Ashcroft, we each did one, which y'all can see right here.
[Posted by G.W.] 1:45 p.m. |
