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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (30512)	2/2/2004 7:32:32 AM
From: Guardian	Respond to of 62562

A Missouri farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 12 opened the door. "Is yer paw home?" the farmer asked. "No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town." "Well, said the farmer, is yer maw here?" "No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with paw." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "He went with maw and paw." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer paw." "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer paw. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant." The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Paw about that", he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog to mate, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."

To: Barney who wrote (30512)	2/3/2004 12:10:43 PM
From: Ron	Respond to of 62562

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! ! You know he said, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "No, " she replies. . . . . " Wait for it. It's coming. . She says : "You just happened to catch my eye. "