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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Fast Eddie who wrote (30756)2/25/2004 9:19:48 AM
From: bucko  Respond to of 62558
 
OJ

George W. Bush

Second OJ

Fast Eddie



To: Fast Eddie who wrote (30756)2/25/2004 10:00:06 AM
From: honjohn007  Respond to of 62558
 
Road Block

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?", asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No SIR," Earl replied, "we're on the patch."



To: Fast Eddie who wrote (30756)2/25/2004 11:21:18 AM
From: Shawn M. Downey  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 62558
 
Actually, I think quotes are funny when they are particularly ironic (such as the GWB quotes were).

Here are some which may not offend you so much:

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
(Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895)

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
(Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943)

"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home."
(Ken Olsen, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977)

"The telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
(Western Union internal memo, 1876)

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
(Marshal Ferdinand Foch, French commander of Allied forces during the closing months of World War I, 1918)

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
(David Sarnoff's associates, in response to his urgings for investment in radio in the 1920's)

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."
(New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work, 1921)

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
(Harry M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927)

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
(Charles H. Duell, commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899)