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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: D.Austin who wrote (31018)3/22/2004 9:36:58 AM
From: Doug Coughlan  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 62549
 
The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store...


1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now
that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably
need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

! 6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your
promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there

was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but
wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.



To: D.Austin who wrote (31018)3/22/2004 3:42:53 PM
From: zonkie  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 62549
 
Top 11 documents yet to be released by the White House as evidence Dubya fulfilled his National Guard obligations.

11. DWI issued by MPs.

10. ATM receipts from PX.

9. Various email messages to family back home in Texas with '72, '73 timestamp.

8. 47th birthday card to Barbara Bush reading, "Happy birthday, Mom. I think of you one weekend a month and two weeks a year when I am on the base in Alabama. Love, President Bush."

7. Digital photo of Dubya presenting plastic turkey to members of his unit and Thanksgiving guest Jane Fonda.

6. Post card addressed to Ambassador Bush recently arrived at UN, must have been lost in the mail. Curiously, it had 23 cents worth of postage.

5. Officers' club receipts show spike every fourth weekend.

4. Multiple documents bearing the crudely formed signature of Tandja Mamadou, President of Niger.

3. List of nicknames for all of the guys he worked with on the base.

2. Alabama National Guard lost 3 million jobs from May 1972 to May 1973.

1. Bin Laden family members frequently signed in as guests on the base.