"Satire, kids, is your sacred duty as Americans. Be funny. Poke them cows and make them moo." -Garrison Keillor
redfish,
Re: I have all those guys on ignore except for Raymond, who cracks me up.
Did I mention my campaign for this summer?(1) It's called "Bush by the Numbers". Essentially, now that Bush has turned the U.S. into a penitentiary we ought to treat it as most lifers do. When the jokes get stale, we simply refer to them by number and laugh at them by rote. Here's some of my collection. As you can see, there's plenty of room at the bottom, top and middle for your excellent contributions to add to our merriment, all at George Bush's expense, of course. :)
Our roster so far: 03, 04. 12, 15, 16, 41, 365, 1358, 1837, 1908, 1956, 1967, 2000, Infinity
Here's a sampler:
#03: Q: So, what were the three roughest years of George Bush's life?
A: Fifth Grade.
***
#12: So, the Democrat dies and goes to heaven. As he approached the Pearly Gates he meets St. Peter and sees the strangest site. There are billions of clocks at the entrance to Heaven. The Democrat, always curious, asks St. Pete what the clocks are for. St. Peter replies: "This is how we keep track of how many lies people tell when they are on Earth. For instance, here's Mother Teresa's clock. As you can see, the hands haven't moved from High Noon. And here's George Washington's clock, you can see the hand has moved about five minutes past Noon. And here's Bill Clinton's clock, it's moved a couple of hours." The Democrat says "I see. And how about George Bush's clock?"
St. Peter replies, "Oh, we keep that one in the office. We use it as a ceiling fan."
***
#15: Fuzzy math:
Senate Leader Bill Frist, Dick Cheney and Dubya go into a bar.
Frist orders first. "I'll have a B and C." The bartender asks, "What is a B & C?" "Bourbon and Coke," Frist says.
Cheney orders. "And, I'll have a G and T." The bartender says, "OK, Gin & Tonic, comin' up. And you, sir?"
Dubya wants to be cute, too. He says, "I'll have a 15." “OK,” the bartender asks, "What's a 15?"
Dubya says, "A 7 and 7."
***
#1908: A Russian immigrant woman, distant cousin of anarchist Emman Goldmann, comes to Ellis Island (New York) in 1908 with the crush of Poles, Lithuanians, Estonians, Eye-talians, Czechs, Checkmates, Hungarians and the Hungry.
Every immigrant is faced with a stone faced immigration officer who attempts to deny immigration on the grounds of disease, mental incompetence, or revolutionary intent.
The final question every new immigrant is asked is this: "Will you, by means of armed rebellion or sedition, attempt to overthrown the government of the United States?"
The woman, anxious to become an American and join Emma, upon hearing this question reflected upon it for a few seconds then looked the agent in the eye and thoughtful responded, "Sedition".
***
OK, so you get the idea. Please send along your favorites. You'll be awarded one "attaboy!" for every submission, unless you deserve a "you go, gurl!"
Keep dem sacred cows mooing!
NOTES:
(1) It has been said, by someone much wiser than me that the only assault that mean people like George Bush cannot defend against is ridicule. Public, blatant, open ridicule is one of our best tools to end the illegitimate reign of America's Caligula wannabee. |
