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Strategies & Market Trends : Galapagos Islands -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Oral Roberts who wrote (52103)	5/14/2004 7:07:31 AM
From: Lost1	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 57110

Going overseas? Tell 'em you're Canadian John Kelso My fellow Americans: If you're planning to travel outside of the good old U.S. of A. anytime soon and you want to avoid a tongue-lashing from a bunch of annoying foreigners, just pretend to be a Canadian. I don't know about you, but I don't want to hear a speech about the war in Iraq from some French know-it-all. So how do you pass yourself off as a Canadian? Let's say you've gotten through customs and you're climbing into a cab in Egypt. And you don't want to listen to a ration of garbage from your driver, the Ayatollah Knowsitall. What do you do? Easy. Tell the cabbie you're from Canada. But how do you make him believe you? There are all sorts of little tricks you can use. "You could tell him you play hockey, and then you could take your teeth out," said Gerald Stoughton, a Canadian living in Austin who was one of the original members of the Austin Ice Bats hockey team. "That would show them you're a Canadian." That's a start. But with your teeth out the cabbie might think you're from the front row at Willie Nelson's picnic. "No teeth? You from Texas? You got oil well?" So a better way to pass as a Canadian is to say, "You know, where I come from, we got pretty darned good health insurance." No one's going to think you're an American if you're bragging about your medical coverage. With the war in Iraq and those embarrassing photos of our troops mistreating Iraqi detainees, it's common sense to pass yourself off as being from someplace noncontroversial like, say, Saskatoon. Unless, of course, you want to put up with a bunch of snide remarks upon arrival in France, Spain, or any number of countries where they think we're a bag of walnuts. So if you gotta go, your best bet may be to act like you're from Prince Edward Island. Nobody hates Canada. This is because Canada never invades anything. So what's to hate? With that in mind, here are the top 10 moves to pass yourself off as a Canadian. 10. Lie. Brag about how you can buy prescription drugs back home without taking out a second mortgage. 9. Sound Canadian. Remember that there is always a "boot" in the word "about." As in, "I was 'a boot' to admit I'm from Dallas, but I don't need the aggravation." 8. Get yourself into one of those funny-looking hats with the furry ear flaps. 7. Every once in a while, blurt out, "Did you catch that Leafs game last night?" 6. Ask, "Where's a fella find a decent order of seal blubber around these parts?" 5. When people start to catch on, hum a few bars of "O Canada! ". 4. If somebody accuses you of being an American, say, "I know I could stand to lose a few pounds, but I'm not that fat." 3. Remind everybody that July 1 is Canada Day, and that the Grey Cup is a football trophy, not a protective device worn in the geriatric ward. 2. If you get sick of all this Canadian stuff, switch countries and pretend to be a Swede. 1. And, finally, if somebody mentions President Bush, play dumb. Hey, it works for him.