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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (31684)	6/8/2004 10:48:37 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	1 Recommendation Respond to of 62558

A student pilot had just received clearance for departure from Orlando. The controller told him to make an immediate right turn after departure for noise abatement. The student was flying a Cessna 172 and was confused by the request for noise abatement. So he called the tower. Airplane: "Orlando tower, Cessna 6 Hotel Victor, please verify how a 172 can be involved in noise abatement." Tower: "Cessna 6 Hotel Victor, because if you don't turn right now, it's gonna make a heck of a noise when that 747 on final hits you!"

To: sandintoes who wrote (31684)	6/9/2004 1:56:42 AM
From: Lazarus_Long	1 Recommendation Respond to of 62558

It seems that a person was interviewing for an ATC tower job when the tower chief ask; "What would you do if you saw an airplane coming in for landing without putting down the landing gear?" The prospective controller replied; "I would get on the radio and tell him to go around and check that his landing gear is down." The tower chief asked; "Well, what if he didn't respond to the radio?" The prospective controller replied; "I would use the light signals to tell him to go around and hopefully he would put his gear down on the next landing." The tower chief asked; "What would you do if he didn't respond to the light signals?" The prospective controller replied; "I would call my brother that works at the FBO on the field." The tower chief asked; "What would your brother do?" The prospective controller replied; "Nothing, but he has never seen an airplane crash!"

To: sandintoes who wrote (31684)	6/9/2004 12:06:23 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	1 Recommendation Respond to of 62558

24 Pretty good Rules of the Air: From Gilbert Bliss 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling it all the way back then they get bigger again. 3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous. 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch him start to sweat. 7. When in doubt, hold onto your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky. 8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again. 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all of them yourself. 10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp. 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa. 12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier. 13. Stay out of the clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 14. Always try to keep the number of landings equal to the number of takeoffs you've made. 15. There are three simple rules for smooth landings. Unfortunately no one knows what they are. 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. 17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them. 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be. 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. 20. Good judgement comes from experience. Unfortunately the experience comes from bad judgement. 21. It is always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible. 22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed. 23. Remember, gravity is not just another good idea; it's the law and it's not subject to repeal. 24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.