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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Lady Lurksalot who wrote (29)	7/14/2004 9:16:45 PM
From: Robert C. Nusbaum	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

A group of young business men were chatting at the bar, and one decides to share his recent embarrassment with the others. He tells them that he was booking a plane ticket to Pittsburgh, but he was so preoccupied with the beautiful breasts of the girl at the counter that instead of saying "I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh," he said, "I'd like a picket to Titsburg" An older guy nearby hears the story and says, "You know, I had a similar experience with my wife this morning. We were sitting at the breakfast table, and I meant to say, "Darling, could you please pass the butter" ... but what came out was, "You bitch, you're ruining my fucking life."

To: Lady Lurksalot who wrote (29)	7/14/2004 9:17:24 PM
From: mph	1 Recommendation Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 1755

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other." "Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"

To: Lady Lurksalot who wrote (29)	7/15/2004 12:50:35 AM
From: ManyMoose	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 1755

That's how I felt a few weeks ago when I got a speeding ticket on a country road near here. ( 'That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.') I'm sixty but the motor cycle cop had to be at least five years older. He had me cold going 65 in a 45 zone in my Dodge RAM. I told him the truth: "That's the first speeding ticket I've had since 1968! I was driving an Oldsmobile 442 then going 65 in a 45 zone." (Which, by the way, was only about 40 percent of that 442's capability.) "Oh, you young punks always want to fly low," he said. I drove home at the speed limit and wrote out my check for the $153 fine. By the way, that's not a joke. I can't tell jokes. It's just the truth. My son in law says I drive so slow I can't even catch the icecream truck. That's also the truth.