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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: redfish who wrote (88)	7/15/2004 8:09:44 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Respond to of 1755

What is a cat? - Cats do what they want. - They rarely listen to you. - They are totally unpredictable. - When you want to play, they want to be alone. - When you want to be alone, they want to play. - They expect you to cater to their every whim. - They are moody. - They leave hair everywhere. - They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats. What is a dog? - Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. - They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they don't hear you when you are in the same room. - They growl when they are not happy. - When you want to play, they want to play. - When you want to be alone, they want to play. - They are great at begging. - They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. - They leave their toys everywhere. - They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. Conclusion: They are little men in fur coats.

To: redfish who wrote (88)	7/15/2004 9:35:36 PM
From: redfish	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says "Hey Garcon, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Guiness sits down and says "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?" and the Guiness president replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."