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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jagfan who wrote (142)	7/26/2004 9:13:36 PM
From: Jagfan	Respond to of 1755

A man takes his wife to the county livestock show, and they head down the aisle that houses the bulls. The sign on the first stall states, THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR. The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year. Isn’t that nice!” After passing a bull that had mated 65 times, she grinningly quips, “You could learn from this one!” They reach the last bull, whose ownder is stroking the massive beast’s head. “How many times has your bull mated this year?” asks the wife. “This here’s the pride of Laypipe County: 365 times, ma’am.” The wife’s jaw drops, and she turns to her husband. “Wow! You could really learn from this one. You should ask him what his secret is!” The fed-up man turns to the breeder and says, “Hey, mister—was it all with the same cow?”

To: Jagfan who wrote (142)	7/26/2004 9:58:43 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Respond to of 1755

Dear Ma and Pa Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men gots to shave but it is not so bad, as they get warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc..., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, black eyed peas, grits, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags something awful. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get into this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Gail