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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Lady Lurksalot who wrote (244)	7/31/2004 3:47:00 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Respond to of 1755

Why is that a non sequitur? :-) ============================================================ A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

To: Lady Lurksalot who wrote (244)	8/3/2004 6:50:28 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 1755

Redneck 'puter lingo 1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter. 2. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood. 3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove. 4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk. 5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood. 6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood. 7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood. 8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time. 9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time. 10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside. 11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season. 12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do. 13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV. 14. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag. 15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields. 16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife. 17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps. 18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys. 19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs. 20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn 21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof. 22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine 23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all" 24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks. 25. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.