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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: mph who wrote (307)	8/4/2004 10:14:54 AM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for more than 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion-dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded: "One chalk mark: $1; knowing where to put it: $49,999."

To: mph who wrote (307)	8/4/2004 1:46:44 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Respond to of 1755

I notice no joke included. These shysters are a humorless lot. Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techno-geek. "Hey, bud, how are ya?" "I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!" "Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!" "No way, how could that be?" "Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!" "Holy shit! You're kidding, right?" "No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her." So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! eeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!" The guy says, "**! I forgot to tell him her a is a pencil sharpener!"