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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jagfan who wrote (354)	8/10/2004 4:55:49 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Respond to of 1755

Crash Test Barbie ...comes with car and brick wall Opera Barbie ...complete with the horns and the brass brassiere Marie Antionette Barbie ...with removable head; guillotine included Hiroshima Barbie ...just a shadow of her former self East German Swim Team Barbie ...a Barbie head on a Ken doll Frozen Barbie on a Stick ...in your grocer's frozen food section Forrest Gump Ken ...pull his string and he complains for two and a half boring hours Divorce Barbie ...includes the house, the car, and half of Ken's belongings Broken Bungee Barbie ...Barbie doll lying broken on the pavement FrankenBarbie ...comes with bolts through her neck Shock Therapy Barbie ...car battery and wires included Samuel L. Jackson Ken ...he'll get medieval on you Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing knives Biker Barbie ...complete with leathers and tattoos Fat Barbie ...in the following three varieties: Big Butt Barbie, Love Handles Barbie, More Chins than a Chinese Phone Book Barbie Eye Patch Barbie ...with a choice of eye patch colors: purple, hot pink, or aqua! Politically Incorrect Barbie ...pull the string and she loudly blurts all your favorite racial slurs Death Row Barbie ...comes complete with cell; raunchy cellmate sold separately Grunge Barbie ...with flannel shirt and a goatee Homeless Barbie ...complete with stolen K-Mart shopping cart Tattoo Barbie ...with tattoos you can apply! Venus de Milo Barbie ...made of rock; no head, no arms

To: Jagfan who wrote (354)	8/10/2004 5:00:25 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Respond to of 1755

Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too- muumuus with tummy-support panels are included. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines wiith a tube of Skin Sparkle Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo(her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. includes a real tape of " Breaking Up Is Hard to Do. " Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries alot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self " is included.