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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jagfan who wrote (377)	8/11/2004 3:09:46 PM
From: Jagfan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

King Arthur was in Merlin’s laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. “This is no good, Merlin!” the king exclaimed, “Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?” “Ah, sire, just observe,” said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. “Merlin, you are a genius!” said the grateful monarch. “Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.” After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal “short arm” inspection. Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad. “Sir Galahad,” exclaimed King Arthur. “My one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!” But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.

To: Jagfan who wrote (377)	8/11/2004 7:41:40 PM
From: The Rabbit	Respond to of 1755

That one took me a sec. At first I thought it was for failing sex-ed while being sexually active. Then I read it again; LOL One o' them hand-grenade jokes. After it's over, 10 -- 9 -- 8 -- ... ============================== OJ Three pieces of string are outside of a bar, and they are thirsty, but they know they will not be served. The first string says, "Well you gotta be smooth", so he saunters into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here, get out." The second string says, "Well you gotta be macho", so he stomps his way in and DEMANDS a drink. "We don't serve your kind here, so take your attitude and get out." The third string says, "Well you gotta be smart." So he ties himself into little knots, so it's like he has arms and legs and a little head, and then frays the top so it appears he has hair. So he walks into the bar, gets up on the stool and asks for a drink. The bartender pours the drink and hand it to him, and while he's drinking, the bartender asks... "Hey wait a minute, are you a string?!?" And the string replies... . . . . You're gonna hate me for this one... . . . . Are you ready? . . . . Coz you're gonna groan... . . . . . So the string replies, "I'm a frayed knot."