Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (509)	9/1/2004 5:05:42 PM
From: Jagfan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously, when the auctioneer received a note from his assistant. “A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000.” There was a moment’s silence, and then from the back of the room came a cry: “Two thousand, five hundred!”

To: Karin who wrote (509)	9/1/2004 5:13:16 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

ELEMENT: MAN SYMBOL: EGO ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs. OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense. melts if treated like a God. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick. becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones. However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety. Is impervious to embarrassment. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman. CAUTION: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.