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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (516)	9/1/2004 5:41:08 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

Lazzie, darlin', don't you read your own thread? I posted that joke just this morning. Message 20475077 Yes, we are definitely on the same page. And I say I found it first. I found it weeks and weeks and weeks ago. <g> - Holly ----- You are one of three people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react? Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway. Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before. Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute. Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions. Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could. Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases. Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss. Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of. Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment. Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline. Judge: after reminding them of their constitutional right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out. Economist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person. Statistician: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute. IRS auditor: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings. Manager: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work hard and not expect handouts. Consultant: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long to learn how to fix a plane. Salesperson: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too. Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99. Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists. Teacher: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked. English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions. Comparative Literature major: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages. Dramatist: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute. Modern Painter: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it. Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.