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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (531)	9/1/2004 7:27:05 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

How the media would handle the end of the world USA Today: WE'RE DEAD. Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets as World Ends. National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, Together Again. Inc. Magazine: 10 Ways You Can Profit From the Apocalypse. Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour. Sports Illustrated: Game Over. Playboy: Girls of the Apocalypse. Lady's Home Journal: Lose 10 Pounds by Judgment Day with Our New "Armageddon" Diet! TV Guide: Death and Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar! Discover Magazine: How will the extinction of all life as we know it affect the way we view the cosmos? Microsoft Systems Journal: Netscape Loses Market Share. Microsoft's Web Site: If you don't experience the rapture, DOWNLOAD software patch RAPT777.EXE. America OnLine: System temporarily down. Try calling back in 15 minutes.

To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (531)	9/1/2004 7:58:51 PM
From: Jagfan	Respond to of 1755

A blind man is telling his friends about how he’s able to sky-dive. “The parachute is packed and put on me,” he explains. “Then I’m positioned at the door, and the pilot tells me when to jump.” “But how do you know when you’re gonna land?” asks one friend. “Simple,” replies the blind man. “The dog’s leash goes slack.”

To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (531)	9/1/2004 10:32:46 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

Computer Messages: what they say and what they mean by it Press Any Key. Press any key you like but I'm not moving. Press A Key. Nothing happens unless you press the 'A' key. Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E... ... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem. Installing program to C:\... ... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them. Not enough memory. I don't CARE if you've got 64 MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K. Cannot read from drive D:... ...however, if you put the CD in right side up... Please Wait... ...indefinitely. Directory does not exist... ....any more. Woops. The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close. ....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back.