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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jagfan who wrote (561)	9/1/2004 10:47:23 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Respond to of 1755

An executive was stressed out. He had to fire one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, either Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, since they were both equally qualified and both excellent workers. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take a couple of aspirins and the executive approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you please jack off? I have a terrible headache."

To: Jagfan who wrote (561)	9/1/2004 11:05:00 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?" * "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it." * "So -- what are you wearing?" * "Duuuuuude! Bummer!" * "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n." * "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC." * "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery." * "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect." * "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!" * "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics." * "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."