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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (601)	9/7/2004 11:54:49 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 1755

Laz, not only that but we are a largely humorless lot. <g> - Holly ----- How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on the dog's point of view.... SOFT COATED WHEATEN TERRIER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. DACHSHUND: You know I can't reach that stupid bulb! ROTTWEILER: Make me. LAB: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? PULI: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy. JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. POODLE: I'll blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can pee on the carpet in the dark. DOBERMAN PINSCHER: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the sofa. BOXER: Who cares? I can play with my squeaky toys in the dark. MASTIFF: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark. CHIHUAHUA: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. POINTER: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there! GREYHOUND: It isn't moving. Who cares? AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.... OLD ENGLISH SHEEP DOG: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb? HOUND DOG: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ And the CAT: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs and I am not one of them. So, the question is, how long will it be before I get some light in here?

To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (601)	9/8/2004 2:22:44 AM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

Ten signs you have a bad HMO 10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. 9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park." 8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle. 7. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter. 6. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an apple a day". 5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo. 3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming. 2. With your last HMO, your heart pills didn't come in different colors with little "M"'s on them. 1. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.