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Politics : Just the Facts, Ma'am: A Compendium of Liberal Fiction -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Lady Lurksalot who wrote (21484)	11/20/2004 11:59:22 AM
From: longnshort	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 90947

My youngest lab ate my TV remote control and half of an X box controller. He thinks his name is 'god damn it'

To: Lady Lurksalot who wrote (21484)	11/20/2004 1:24:55 PM
From: ManyMoose	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 90947

When Daisy feels that she has been left alone in the car too long, she looks around for stuff to punish me with. Last week she ate a pair of sunglasses. I noticed teeth marks on my wife's cell phone. Earlier this year while I was in the library, Daisy ate the antenna off my cell phone. I couldn't find the phone, so I thought she had ingested it. But she had dropped it in the door pocket. She has been pretty good, all in all. When she was a pup, the only thing she ate was my wife's silk flowers. Once she ate a feather duster. It looked like she had eaten a bird, with feathers sticking out of her mouth. Now she has a basket of toys that my wife gets inexpensively at yard sales. Most of them are still in pretty good shape. Daisy has a very soft mouth. When she caught a bobwhite quail last year, we took it out of her mouth and it ran off none the worse for wear. Our older dog Annie, now in doggie heaven, ate nothing but items that were rope-like. Sometimes that was very inconvenient. You are right about dogs being preferable to people. People are way too complex. Dogs have simple needs and if those needs are even halfway met, they are happy.

To: Lady Lurksalot who wrote (21484)	11/20/2004 2:37:22 PM
From: Selectric II	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 90947

A Letter to Our Dogs Dear Dogs: When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets: 1. The dog lives here. You don't. 2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. 5.Dogs vs kids. Dogs eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.