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To: Ian@SI who wrote (571)	1/7/2005 3:54:35 PM
From: software salesperson	Respond to of 6602

line of the day by andy borowitz: Elsewhere, at his confirmation hearings yesterday, Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales said, "You call this an interrogation? Where the heck are the hoods?" -------------------------------------------------------------- George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle. The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send The Prime Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty..." The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would be me!" "Yes! Very good!" says the Queen. Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one." Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!" Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!" Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell." Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

To: Ian@SI who wrote (571)	1/31/2005 4:10:53 PM
From: Tomato	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 6602

Subject: Mezuzahs A wealthy Jewish man buys a fabulous home in Beverly Hills, California. He brings in a local workman to decorate the place. When the job is finished, the homeowner is delighted, but realizes that he's forgotten to put mezuzahs on the doors. He goes out and buys 50 mezuzahs and asks the decorator to place them on the right hand side of each door except bathrooms and kitchens. He's really worried that the decorator will chip the paint work or won't put them up correctly. However, when he comes back a few hours later, he sees that the job has been carried out to his entire satisfaction. He's so pleased that he gives the decorator a bonus. As the decorator is walking out of the door he says, "I'm glad you're happy with the job.... By the way, I took out all the warranties in the little boxes and left them on the table for you."