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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jagfan who wrote (35134)	1/19/2006 7:56:57 AM
From: Jagfan	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62592

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life." Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening." "I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason. He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. The guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch." So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos."

To: Jagfan who wrote (35134)	1/19/2006 8:35:54 AM
From: SmokedJoe	Respond to of 62592

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I cain't understand how you kin be so much bigger'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids...I just don't get it." "Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy?" "Lawyers, same as you," replied the small 'gator. "Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?" "Down at 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot of that law firm." "Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and wait fer someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!" > "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lawyer, there ain't nothin' left but lips and a briefcase."