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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Andrew N. Cothran who wrote (35148)	1/20/2006 2:15:26 PM
From: Richnorth	Respond to of 62592

HONEST PRIEST A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favour?" "Of course my child, What can I do for you?" "Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated vibrating hair remover for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?" "Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I cannot lie." "You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair remover'. The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son", he replied. Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?" The priest replied, "I have there a marvellous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used." Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father." ....."Next!" .

To: Andrew N. Cothran who wrote (35148)	1/20/2006 2:35:30 PM
From: Richnorth	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62592

The joke below would have been very appropriate at Christmas. But at that time I was busy in the casinos at Las Vegas, and so I was unable to post it here. Anyway, here is that joke. ------------------- Onions and Christmas Trees and balls. A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is it ok for us guys to notice all the different kind of boobs?" Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son, we wouldn't be normal if we didn't....there are all kinds of breasts...depending on a woman's age- In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions, Dad?" "Yeah, you see them and they make you cry...." Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, "Mom, how many kinds of penises are there?" The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yep, dried up and the balls are only there for decoration..." .