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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jagfan who wrote (804)	2/13/2006 8:44:55 PM
From: Jagfan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look !" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. "And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me." For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. Services are pending

To: Jagfan who wrote (804)	2/13/2006 11:57:09 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Respond to of 1755

I figured you would get it. <g> * Lerman's Law of Technology - Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary - You are never given enough time or money. * Murphy's First Law for Wives - If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an after thought, he will forget two of the first five. * Law of the Search - The first place to look for any thing is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary - It will not be the last place you expect to find it. * Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation - The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. * The Salary Axiom - The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. * Miller's Law of Insurance - Insurance covers everything except what happens. * First Law of Living - As soon as you're doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else. CAD's Corollary - As soon as you're doing who you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing someone else. * Weiner's Law of Libraries - There are no answers, only cross-references. * Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness - Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale. * Kenny's Law of Auto Repair - The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location. * Second Law of Business Meetings - If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway. * The Grocery Bag Law - The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. * Yeager's Law - Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary - All breakdowns occur on the plumbers' day off. * Lampner's Law of Employment - When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. * Quile's Consultation Law - The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services. * Loftus's Law - Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book. * Troutman's Fifth Programming Postulate - If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it. * Lovka's Dilemma - You never get away, you only get someplace else.