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Politics : Formerly About Advanced Micro Devices -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: bentway who wrote (282890)	4/3/2006 9:04:16 PM
From: combjelly	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 1573962

"Real TexMex is as hot as you want it." But if you only ate it at a chain, they always go for the lowest common denominator.

To: bentway who wrote (282890)	4/6/2006 2:24:55 AM
From: tejek	Respond to of 1573962

Taro is a Swedish boob - he said he ate Texmex at a DENNY'S twenty years ago in CA, and that was the basis of his "judgement"! Real TexMex is as hot as you want it. They have jalapeno eating contests in Texas! I didn't remember if the TexMex was hot or not the times I ate it.

To: bentway who wrote (282890)	4/9/2006 1:16:09 PM
From: Taro	Respond to of 1573962

Subject: Chili If you have ever been to a Texas chili Cook-off you will be able to relate >Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who >was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event: > > Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili > > > > JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. > > JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. > > FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could > > remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the > > flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. > > > > > Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili > > > > JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. > > JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken > > seriously. > > FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure > > what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two > > people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush > > in more beer when they saw the look on my face. > > > > > Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili > > > > JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. > > JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. > > FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like > > I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get > > me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my > > backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from > > all the beer. > > > > Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic > > > > JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. > > JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish > > or other mild foods, not much of a chili. > > FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to > > taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Sally, the bar maid, > > was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is > > starting > > to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. Is chili an > > aphrodisiac? > > > > > Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover > > > > JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, > > adding considerable kick. Very impressive. > > JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. > > Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. > > FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead > > and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind > > me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her > > that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from > > bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm > > burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges > > asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks! > > > > Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety > > > > JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of > > spice and peppers. > > JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. > > Superb. > > FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, > > sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat > > through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that > > slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. > > I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone! > > > > > Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili > > > > JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. > > JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of > > chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about > > Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing > > uncontrollably. > > FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I > > wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the > > world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with > chili > > which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like > > shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what > > killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, > I'm not > getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through > > the 4 inch hole in my stomach. > > > > > Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili > > > > JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, > > not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. > > JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor > > hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed > > out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not > > sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have > reacted to a > > really hot chili? > > FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)