To: Brumar89 who wrote (510 ) 8/4/2006 3:45:44 PM From: J. C. Dithers Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 1695 Very thoughtful and well-said on opposition to gay marriage. I do think that many people of good-heart who oppose change have difficulty articulating their reasons (setting aside those with religious objections or those who condemn homosexuality). For the rest, I think it comes down to a vague uneasiness of what consequences might be wrought in the social fabric by radical change of marriage. Not a one of us can fully comprehend this fabric that holds society together. It is far too intricate to grasp as a whole. Stated laws are but a miniscule part of it. It's origins are largely lost in antiquity. Yet it regulates our every action. Every morning when we wake, we face the day with confidence that we will do what we ought to do, beginning with our rituals of hygiene and dress, and that so will everyone else. This is no better illustrated than on the highway as you drive to work. You are surrounded by thousands of strangers traveling at high speeds in lethal machines, yet you have absolute confidence that everyone around you will do exactly as you expect at all times. Only very seldom is this pact broken and then there is chaos. This protocol goes far beyond traffic laws and enforcement. (Most urban commuters know that state police disappear during rush hour). It runs the gamut of courtesy, kindness, helpfulness, consideration, respect, and a host of similar virtues. We do what we ought with great confidence that all these strangers will too. If we at times encounter road rage (which law enforcement cannot stop) it just serves to remind us how fragile the social fabric is, and how dire it would be if it unwound. This orderliness holds throughout the day in all of our interactions with others. We don't fully know what makes this work so well in a nation of 300 million diverse citizens. It isn't laws, which rarely need to be invoked day-by-day. We aren't forced to help others, sometimes at the risk of our lives, but we do it because we ought. Gay marriage may seem far afield from what I am describing, but I don't think it is. Marriage itself is laden with oughts, which is its very nature to begin with (picture the reluctant groom being pushed to the altar to sanction a relationship). We could hardly imagine what our society would be like if there was no such thing as marriage, which creates the family unit -- mother, father, and children. We just know that marriage is deeply embedded in the social fabric as union of man and wife. So this is what I think largely informs opposition to gay marriage. Wo don't want to pull on that thread (marriage) to change it fundamentally. We don't know what will happen if we do. We fear that if we pull too hard or too far, the entire social fabric may begin to unravel. We don't want to take the chance. So we frustrate the good and decent gay couples who desperately yearn for marriage. They in turn dismiss our fears as irrational. But here is the irony I see in that: First, by pushing so hard for marriage, gays validate the crucial, exalted position that traditional marriage holds in the social fabric -- which is why they want in. Second, the gay's validation that marriage is so important confers reasonableness and rationality upon our fear of changing its very nature. In other words, their argument is self-defeating. Perhaps gay-marriage advocates could make more headway if they switched to a softer sell: "Hey, marriage is no big deal and it's falling part anyway, so go why not let us get in on the end."