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Politics : Foreign Affairs Discussion Group -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ruffian who wrote (244874)	10/13/2007 9:36:24 PM
From: Elroy	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 281500

30 reasons why we hate the French Last Updated: 12:01am BST 12/10/2007 telegraph.co.uk As Les Rosbifs and The Frogs scrum down for tomorrow's Rugby World Cup semi-final, Alex Clarke and Jules Eden remind us of the infuriating habits of our cousins across the Channel 1. Because they're losers Rugby matches played by England against France since 1906: 89. We've won 47; they've won 35. Draws: 7. Loser: France's captain, Raphael Ibanez 2. Because they're aggressive Wars fought against France since 1066: 35. We've won 23; they've won 11. Mutual defeats: 1 (American War of Independence). 3. Because of Napoleon 200 French streets, monuments and institutions commemorate the era of Napoleon, the inventor of totalitarian dictatorship. 4. And because of the Napoleon Complex While Napoleon was actually 5ft 6.5in tall, his aggression may have stemmed from "strikingly small, infantile and undersized genitals", as revealed in his autopsy. The organ in question measured 1.25in. 5. Because they make love more than anyone else On average, that's 137 times a year; we only manage 119 times. 6. Because everyone believes they're great lovers But when asked about Napoleon's love-making, French good-time girl Marguerite Josephine Weimer remarked that the Duke of Wellington was "beaucoup le plus fort". Today, just 23 per cent of French people are happy with their sex lives compared to 25 per cent of Brits. 7. Because they love yappy dogs More than nine per cent of French dog owners have a poodle. 8. But they won't clean up after them French dog owners refuse to pick up the 5,840 tonnes of dog-doo dropped on their streets each year. 9. Because they're allergic to customer service In London eateries, it takes an average 3.4 minutes to get a glass of water once a waiter has been alerted; in Paris it takes 17.9 minutes. 10. Because they're rude The "Paris Syndrome" is a medically recognised type of depression which afflicts foreign visitors, caused by the sustained rudeness of French people to outsiders. 11. Because they can't wait Many French men still prefer the convenience of a trottoir to the public WC. 12. Because they lack humour Before the Revolution, the French spoke of l'esprit (wit), or la farce (joke) but the word "humour" had no equivalent. Not until 1932 did the French Academy allow l'humour into the language. 13. Because we've been allowed to believe that French women don't get fat Current diet books claim that French women are thin because they eat only fresh produce, and slowly. However, French obesity rates are exploding and one in four French women is on some kind of mood-altering medication. Of course they're not hungry – they're stoned. 14. Because they do things the wrong way The French take more suppositories than the rest of Europe combined. In 2006, they shoved 235 tonnes of pharmaceuticals up themselves. That's equivalent to 1,850 Gérard Depardieus (approx.). 15. That goes for their wildlife, too In 1998 alone, 25 million geese and ducks were force-fed in battery farms to make foie gras: the €20 hors d'oeuvre. 16. Because they love Jerry In 1963, Jerry Lewis's The Nutty Professor was voted "Best Film" in France. Le Roi du Crazy, as Lewis is known over there, holds the Legion of Honour, traditionally awarded only to victorious French generals: pretty rare. 17. And they hate Gerry In 2005, national treasure Gérard Depardieu announced he was leaving France because: "Only the British understand me… They have a great sense of humour. It is the French who are cretins". 18. Because they think their cooking is the best in the world They boasted 26 three-starred restaurants in the 2005 Michelin Guide. However, the guide is a French institution. Could that be why the UK had only three? Coincidence, non? 19. Because of their incessant wining Does France still make the best wine? Not if you go by the infamous Paris Wine Tasting of 1976, when an English wine merchant organised a "blind" tasting before a jury of French experts. To their horror, they rated Californian wines as winners in both the red and white wine categories. The French press first denied any tasting had happened, then claimed the results were fixed. 20. You can't trust their wine labels either In one 2002 case, a Burgundian vintner got jailed for rebottling 4,000 hectolitres of Algerian plonk as a much more expensive Bordeaux. 21. Because they took the cow pat… and turned it into a hat Well, that's what the beret is, isn't it? 22. Because their legendary "Va Va Voom" is a lie They only spend an average 19.2 minutes on foreplay. The British take 22.5 minutes. 23. Because 50 per cent of them don't even associate sex with pleasure And 23 per cent say they would be "relieved" not to have sex for several months. 24. Because they patented the kiss In fact, there is no actual word for "French Kiss" in French. It is simply embrasser avec la langue (literally, to kiss with the tongue). Colloquially it is referred to as rouler une pelle (to roll the spade). Only in Quebec is it "frencher". 25. Because they're big bullies The French shoot, poison, trap, crush, stuff and then eat almost anything smaller than themselves. Box-nets are laid down across the Aquitaine countryside to trap skylarks, while Languedoc hunters blast turtledoves out of the sky. 26. Because the French health service is the best in the world However, during a 2003 heat wave, the French health services, rated as a "world best" by the WHO, failed to prevent the deaths of 16,300 elderly people. 27. Because their country doesn't work Employers have to pay social security taxes equal to 48 per cent of each employee's salary, so they take on fewer people, and France's unemployment rate has hovered around 10 per cent for a decade. 28. Because they get up our noses Forty per cent of French men, and 25 per cent of women, do not change their underwear daily – and only 47 per cent bathe every day (compared to 70 per cent of the British). 29. Because they invented Sadism France is not only the birthplace of the Marquis de Sade but also of Renault's flirty series of Ben and Sophie "Eiffel Tower v Blackpool Tower" TV ads. Talk about torture… 30. Because it's taken them a thousand years to admit we're better than them "The standard of life of the British is higher than that of the French," said M. le President Nicolas Sarkozy, in his 2006 autobiography. Finally.

To: Ruffian who wrote (244874)	10/13/2007 9:49:15 PM
From: Sea Otter	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 281500

Btw, just for anyone interested, here's a copy of that Rush transcript: Note the use of plural "phony soldier(s). And the fact that Jesse MacBeth (the guy that Rush later said was the ONLY phony soldier) gets mentioned a couple minutes after the phony soldier phrase. Also it's interesting that Rush was already primed, given he didn't like the first military caller. He was sniffing out the phonies already. As an aside, read this transcript and you will discover that we've uncovered WMDs in Iraq. Rush should inform the Bush admin and the Defense Department of his discovery. (Nadine - as I'm sure you can appreciate, claims like that don't exactly increase Rush's trustworthiness in my eyes). (Previous caller - just to set context). ================== LIMBAUGH: Mike, you can't possibly be a Republican. CALLER 1: I am. LIMBAUGH: You are -- you are -- CALLER 1: I am definitely a Republican. LIMBAUGH: You can't be a Republican. You are -- CALLER 1: Oh, I am definitely a Republican. LIMBAUGH: You are tarnishing the reputation, 'cause you sound just like a Democrat. CALLER 1: No, but -- LIMBAUGH: The answer to your question -- CALLER 1: -- seriously, how long do we have to stay there -- LIMBAUGH: As long as it takes! CALLER 1: -- to win it? How long? LIMBAUGH: As long as it takes! It is very serious. CALLER 1: And that is what? LIMBAUGH: This is the United States of America at war with Islamofascists. We stay as long -- just like your job. You do everything you have to do, whatever it takes to get it done, if you take it seriously. CALLER 1: So then you say we need to stay there forever -- LIMBAUGH: I -- it won't -- CALLER 1: -- because that's what it'll take. LIMBAUGH: No, Bill, or Mike -- I'm sorry. I'm confusing you with the guy from Texas. CALLER 1: See, I -- I've used to be military, OK? And I am a Republican. LIMBAUGH: Yeah. Yeah. CALLER 1: And I do live [inaudible] but -- LIMBAUGH: Right. Right. Right, I know. CALLER 1: -- you know, really -- I want you to be saying how long it's gonna take. LIMBAUGH: And I, by the way, used to walk on the moon! CALLER 1: How long do we have to stay there? LIMBAUGH: You're not listening to what I say. You can't possibly be a Republican. I'm answering every question. That's not what you want to hear, so it's not even penetrating your little wall of armor you've got built up. (Next caller that started it all ...) LIMBAUGH: Another Mike, this one in Olympia, Washington. Welcome to the EIB Network. Hello. CALLER 2: Hi Rush, thanks for taking my call. LIMBAUGH: You bet. CALLER 2: I have a retort to Mike in Chicago, because I am a serving American military, in the Army. I've been serving for 14 years, very proudly. LIMBAUGH: Thank you, sir. CALLER 2: And, you know, I'm one of the few that joined the Army to serve my country, I'm proud to say, not for the money or anything like that. What I would like to retort to is that, if we pull -- what these people don't understand is if we pull out of Iraq right now, which is about impossible because of all the stuff that's over there, it'd take us at least a year to pull everything back out of Iraq, then Iraq itself would collapse, and we'd have to go right back over there within a year or so. And -- LIMBAUGH: There's a lot more than that that they don't understand. They can't even -- if -- the next guy that calls here, I'm gonna ask him: Why should we pull -- what is the imperative for pulling out? What's in it for the United States to pull out? They can't -- I don't think they have an answer for that other than, "Well, we just gotta bring the troops home." CALLER 2: Yeah, and, you know what -- LIMBAUGH: "Save the -- keep the troops safe" or whatever. I -- it's not possible, intellectually, to follow these people. CALLER 2: No, it's not, and what's really funny is, they never talk to real soldiers. They like to pull these soldiers that come up out of the blue and talk to the media. LIMBAUGH: The phony soldiers. CALLER 2: The phony soldiers. If you talk to a real soldier, they are proud to serve. They want to be over in Iraq. They understand their sacrifice, and they're willing to sacrifice for their country. LIMBAUGH: They joined to be in Iraq. They joined -- CALLER 2: A lot of them -- the new kids, yeah. LIMBAUGH: Well, you know where you're going these days, the last four years, if you signed up. The odds are you're going there or Afghanistan or somewhere. CALLER 2: Exactly, sir. And -- and my other comment was -- and the reason I was calling for -- was to report to Jill about the fact that we didn't, didn't find any weapons of mass destruction. Actually, we have found weapons of mass destruction in chemical agents that [inaudible] been using against us for awhile now. I've done two tours in Iraq. I just got back in June and there were many instances of -- since [inaudible] not know what they're using in their IEDs [improvised explosive devices]. They're using mustard artillery rounds. The vx-artillery rounds in their IEDs. Because they didn't know what they were using, they didn't do it right, and so it just kind of -- it, it didn't really hurt anybody but there are -- those munitions are over there, it's just -- it's a huge desert. If they've buried it somewhere, we're never gonna find it. LIMBAUGH: Well, you know, that's a moot point for me right now -- MIKE: Rush -- LIMBAUGH: -- the weapons of mass destruction. We gotta get beyond that. We're, we're there. What -- who cares if, if -- we all know they were there and, and Mahmoud [Ahmadinejad, Iranian president] even admitted it in one of his speeches here about -- talkin' about Saddam using the poison mustard gas or whatever it is on his own people -- but that, that's moot, right? What, what's more important is all this is taking place now in the midst of the surge working. And all of these anti-war Democrats are getting even more hell-bent on pulling out of there, which means that success on the part of you and, and your colleagues over there is, is a great threat to them. It's just, it's frustrating and maddening, and it is why they must be kept in the minority. Look, I want to thank you, Mike, for calling. I appreciate it very much. I gotta -- let me see -- got something -- here is a "Morning Update" that we did recently talking about fake soldiers. This is a story of who the left props up as heroes. And they have their celebrities. One of them was Jesse MacBeth. Now, he was a "corporal," I say in quotes - 23 years old....