altie -
this is about sarah being pregnant and her coach not
allowing her play soccer - she was not happy.
carlos, her coach, does not know who he's dealing with :)
Hi guys
so below is the information I got back from the league. The president pretty much said the league doesn't want to get involved but, that in case of a dispute, it's the players who own the team, not the coach, and who can decide what they want.
He said the league has always avoided taking a position on the subject (except the other director told me about the fact that they did tell the refs they couldn't not allow a woman to play if she was pregnant) He said that BC Soccer has stuff about discrimination but is silent on the pregnancy issue.
I suggested that instead of remaining silent the league could have a policy that gave coaches/teams the right to ask for a medical certificate. Because not every pregnancy is healthy, not every pregnant woman will be able to obtain permission from her doctor to play, but those who are healthy and can obtain permission and should not be disallowed to play.
I have been reading about miscarriage and it turns out that there is a great deal of misinformation out there. What doctors know now about why miscarriage happens is not reflected in our social attitudes, which seem not to have not changed in decades.
The president of the league said that it seems to be the men involved in the league who are generally more uncomfortable with pregnant women playing. I wonder if this has to do with the fact that women bother learning about women's health while men generally don't bother, instead they stick to their old assumptions.
Anyways, I was very proud to have stood up to my coach and refuse to be excluded from practice. I had started the discussion by thanking the coach (Carlos) for his concern, and explaining the medical facts as had been explained to me by my doctors.
He had actually tried to take me away from all the players to talk, but I insisted we have the discussion in front of the team, and in front of Oswaldo, who had accompanied me to practice. Then he tried to make Oswaldo go away saying "Oswaldo, please step aside, you're not part of the team". I told Carlos that Oswaldo is part of my life, and he was going to be part of this discussion! (Carlos knows Oswaldo as they play on a couple of other teams together)
I did all the talking except for one part after Carlos told me the he was the coach and he was the only one who got to decide whether I can practice while pregnant, and I said, "Actually, NO. My husband Oswaldo and I are the only ones who get to decide whether I practice while pregnant. Not you." Then Oswaldo said, "that's right and I am going to tell you something: I support my wife." and he went on to explain that he was concerned at first, about me playing, and that we both were, but after consulting our health professionals and weighing the risks and benefits, we made the decision together, and that he felt confident that this is the right thing to do.
Amos (the assistant coach) was worried about liability and wanted me to sign a waiver, to which I responded that I had already spoken to league director Jeff Jukes who said I didn't have to.
Then I handed them my doctor's note, which Amos seemed to accept and which Carlos refused to even look at. Carlos insisted that it was really all just about his feelings, and I told him that I thought this was just one of those situations where he may feel uncomfortable, but faced with the facts and the law, he might have to just go on feeling unconfortable, but hat he couldn't discriminate. (I didn't say this at the time, but it's like as if he felt uncomfortable with a lesbian being on the team - it's just one of those things he'd just have to deal with. And by the way, he did have to deal with a lesbian being on the team, but he just couldn't resist making rude comments to her and talking about her behind her back to other players)
Finally I told them that I was protected by the BC Charter of Human Rights and that if he persisted in trying to exclude me or discriminate against me or treat me differently because of my pregnancy, that I would be prepared to file a Human Rights complaint against him. (I had already consulted an ex-human rights commissioner who works for my union and he said that he would love to represent me at the tribunal)
My tone un-aggressive and diplomatic but assertive the whole time.
I had been really nervous going in to this, but after all was said and done, Amos ran the practice that day, allowed me to participate and treated me normally, and I had a great workout and felt better for it. Carlos sulked in his car most of the time. And at the next practice, which would be our last, Amos ran most of it, and Carlos ran the last part but he wouldn't even look at me.
And the whole time during those practices, Oswaldo played with his soccer ball near by, stayed around to support me. It was a neat feeling having him around - I felt like he was protecting me, and he felt that way too. And he brought a watermelon to share with all the players, but he had done that before all this happened too. I could really tell that all of my team mates were impressed with how well he supported me and what a good guy he is! I felt really proud of him, and he did of me too.
And in the end, I played about half our last game, which I was satisfied with. I hadn't even been sure that I even wanted to play because inspite of my stance and refusing to disappear, which Carlos would have preferred I do, I felt like I had lost a significant amount of confidence on the pitch. I was afraid I would play badly and the other team would score and Carlos would feel justified in not wanting me to play. But Oswaldo said, you are tough and strong and you are going to be great. It reminded me of being at a judo tournament. I also thought about Tiger Woods for inspiration. And finally, I thought about how earlier that same afternoon, Oswaldo had held my hand as we listened to our baby's heartbeat (and apparently if you can hear it at 10 weeks, the chance of miscarriage drops dramatically), and we got another healthy assessment from our doctor and and one final go ahead to play - and I thought, I am playing with 3 spirits not just 1 (me, Oswaldo and baby), I can't lose!
Soon, with some of the other players, we are going to start up a pick-ups soccer project and invite all the women to participate in an environment free of racism, sexism, homophobia and abuse.
Well that's the whole story. Got to go to work now,
love you,
Sarah
-r1 |
