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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ross who wrote (3586)	10/22/1997 9:24:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

A few good jokes. This guy's at the local make out point with his girlfriend, and they're "getting it on" when she suddenly stops. "What's wrong?" the puzzled guy askes. "Well," she replies "I've heard some pretty disgusting things about you." "Like what?" he askes. "Well, I heard you were a pediphile." "Pediphile!" the guy exclaims, "that's a big word for an eight-year-old!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A man was in temple moaning and crying. The rabbi comes up and asks: "what's the matter?" The man responds: "My business has collapsed, I've lost everything in the market, I'm heavily in debt, I owe everyone. I don't know what to do." "I can help you," said the rabbi. You just have to do what I say." "I'll do anything." The man moaned. "First you must read the bible for 2 hours, then pray for 2 hours, then when you go to bed, put the bible under your pillow. When you wake up, close your eyes, open the bible to a random page and put your finger on a line on the page. Do what ever the line suggests. Your troubles will leave you, I'm sure of it." The man thanked the rabbi, left the temple, and did everything the rabbi told him to do. A couple of months later the rabbi is walking down the street when a big limo pulls up and there is the man waving to the rabbi from the back window. He seems very happy. Rabbi: "I've been wondering about you, what happened? "I read for 2 hrs reading, prayed for 2 hrs., went to bed with the bible under my pillow. In the morning closed my eyes and randomly chose a line from the bible... it all worked out" "What line did you choose?/ asked the rabbi, somewhat astonished. "Chapter 11" was the reply. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A man is flying a kite in the backyard with his son. The kite is flying poorly. The wife yells out the kitchen window,"You need more tail". The father says to his son,"Last night she told me to Go Fly a Kite". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Three women shopping. First says,"I named my daughter Brandy as I like to eat brandy". Second says,"I named mine Candy as I like to eat candy". Third says,"Come here Peter". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Two nuns are returning to the convent after doing some shopping on >their bicycles. One says, "I've never come this way before." The other says, "It must be the cobblestones." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What is the Pope going to give Michael Jackson if he gets caught>molesting more boys? ...............His own parish. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. His wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A new ride at DisneyWorld. It's called Princess Diana last car ride.

To: Ross who wrote (3586)	10/23/1997 10:56:00 AM
From: Clark Kent	Respond to of 62558

ANOTHER Farm joke: There were these two farmers, one was very wealthy and the other was very poor. Well, it just happened that their wives had birthdays on the same day. The poor farmer said to the wealthy farmer, "What do you plan on getting your wife for her birthday tomorrow?" "Well," he says, "I'm going to get her a Mercedes and a Mink coat". "Why are you getting her a Mercedes AND a Mink coat?" asks the poor farmer. "That way, if she doesn't like the mink coat, she can drive herself to the store to return it!" "By the way," the rich farmer asks, "what do you plan on getting your wife tomorrow?" "A pair of slippers and a dildo" replied the poor farmer. "Why the dildo?" "That way, if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself."

To: Ross who wrote (3586)	10/24/1997 5:37:00 PM
From: freeus	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Re the pigs joke. I read it today, as the market is crashing all around me. THanks for a laughing out loud experience on an awful stock market day! Poor farmer!!!! Here's one: The rabbi and the priest were comparing notes. They decided to see if either of them had ever disobeyed their rules. The rabbi smiles "Well, I have to admit a couple of times I have eaten pork.What about you?" The priest sighed. "I have to admit a couple of times I have been with a woman." The rabbi was quiet for a minute. Then he murmured. "It sure beats pork." Freeus