'Twas the Blight before Christmas
'Twas the blight before Christmas, and across this great land,
In the unemployment line did one in ten stand.
"Hey Obama, hey Biden, hey Pelosi and Reid,
Perhaps more government spending isn't all that we need?"
Bush left office, and my he sure left a mess,
But it seems you're not helping, we have to confess.
Up spending, up deficits, up unemployment and pain,
Seems we're picking up speed like a runaway train!
David Letterman cheated, Tiger made the same flub,
Wound up on the wrong end of his very own club.
Yes reputations were ruined and others besot,
A-Rod needed performance enhancers (Tiger clearly did not).
Some events brought us wonder, yet oddly made us also recoil,
I refer to a song sung by one Susan Boyle.
As the economy struggles we ponder our fate,
But we ask more importantly, "will this affect Jon and Kate?"
Bush drove the economy into the floor,
So much so that many couldn't wait to show him the door.
Now, on stimulus! On bailouts! Federal worker pay, how it soared!
Seems there's not much left now of our ox to be gored.
Some took to the streets, waved their teabags with pride,
And demanded to know why the pols have all lied.
The response to their question, it made some people faint,
"Why, next week there's a conference on fiscal restraint."
The masses sought a guru, not a Madoff nor goof,
Just someone who wouldn't make their remaining assets go "poof."
And many managers rushed in to claim the mantle of hero,
"What you need is a t-bill, with a yield of zero."
Investors wretched and cavorted and raced into cash,
Then the stock market turned and began a mad dash.
Yes, the stock market rallied, and gold how it soared,
"We must figure out how to tax this" the Democrats roared.
The GOP shouted "No!" and "Oh, Pelosi you shrew,"
They then shouted "No" again - 'twas about all they could do.
Chrysler, the banks and GM all on the dole,
Our tax dollars swirl into another Black Hole.
Politicians speak of taxpayers "earning a rate,"
But most of us now are resigned to our fate.
We have no expectations that things won't go "funny,"
Like old Will Rogers, we only hope for the return of our money.
Business how it struggled, the old lines were blurred,
When exactly did "profit" become a four-letter word?
The Pay Czar stands o'er and when attention was rapt,
Said "don't be too successful or your pay will be capped."
"Yes, hire more people and pay higher wages,
And offer more benefits" said the government sages.
Yes keep paying more, share the wealth out of goodness,
And keep it right up, 'till you go outta 'bidness.
In Illinois our economy continued to wane,
"Hey look they've downgraded our junk bonds again."
"The people shall have a voice," they said to assure us,
"Now here's your new Senator, we've installed Roland Burris."
We had hopes that were high, we trusted Big "O"
Promised us the Olympics, but delivered Gitmo.
We've exported "The Chicago Way" to our Nations' Mall,
If you'll all please bend over now, this won't hurt at all.
They gathered to fight warming up near a fjord,
"We must stop all this carbon", one after another implored.
"We must kill off all industry, for emissions must wane,"
Shouted each diplomat stepping off his private jet plane.
In the race to save mankind and limit polar bear death,
The EPA will now regulate you and your breath.
"With a few more taxes, and a hundred more regs,
The green economy soon will grow legs."
On switch grass, on solar, on wind in the air,
Let's kill off oil and coal on a wing and a prayer.
Yes, we'll soon have green energy fit for a king.
('Cept on calm cloudy days when we can't run a thing.)
"We must insure everyone, health care is a right."
Rarely have so few words started such a big fight.
The great thinkers started thinking and big trouble ensued,
Each session of Congress resembles the old Family Feud.
Still the pols had a vision we were firmly assured,
Though the plan seemed to change with each written word.
Page after page of regulation was spouted,
"The public option is in, no it's out, no it's in" the pols shouted.
This bill kept expanding, it can't be read in one day,
The answer from Washington - "it must be passed anyway."
Sure they talk about subsidies and free treatments galore,
Still we sigh "in the end we know it will cost us much more."
They even treated this giant bill as if it were a pill.
"You will take it even if it's against your own will."
"But that pill is so big, oh surely you see,
We could no more swallow it than we could swallow our knee."
"We've got it all figured out" said the pol smiling slightly,
"You see, it's not a pill, it's a suppos'itry"
And then what should appear on Page 2006,
Why the answer was simple, yes the ultimate fix!
It became crystal clear, we now see their true vision,
"You must buy health insurance or we'll send you to prison."
Surge out of Iraq, surge into Afghanistan,
The generals and their troops spin round and about again.
"We must do what we must, for all and for once,
Now go get to work, you only have 18 months."
Relations were to improve when Bush got the heave ho,
Sadly the dictators didn't get that memo.
Putin smirked wryly, Chavez gave a big smile,
Even Castro decided to stick around for awhile.
The Chinese bought our t-bonds, you might question their smarts,
But their junk continues to fill up our Wal-Marts.
The mullahs kept pushing, kept testing our mettle,
Eying Obama and Clinton like they were Hansel and Gretel.
The president sought to make us all proud,
Said "I'm so pleased to meet you" as deeply he bowed.
But little did he know as he stared at his shoes,
'Twas a mere party crasher in search of some booze.
So where are we now I ask you family and friend?
Surely the next stop is a place called "Wit's End."
Even Santa exclaimed ere he rode out of sight,
"Hey you're on your own, I work only one night."
So perhaps we can paraphrase old Tiny Tim,
To increase our hopes, no matter how slim.
To update the words of Bob Crachett's son,
"In this Christmas Season, God Help Us - everyone!" |
