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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tomato who wrote (3813)	11/6/1997 6:56:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62559

A Few Jokes Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the US study were incorrect. After three years of research and cost in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to conduct their own study. The Poles didn't really trust the US or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and at a cost of right around $75, the Polish study reached a conclusion. The Polish study came to the final conclusion that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent his hand from flying off and hit ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with the terrorist. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ They left in the early morning hours and went home separately. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks." To which the second guy replied, "You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!" And the third proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, got in a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!" They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first guy says: "Guys, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A priest is taking a walk in the woods on a beautiful fall day. Suddenly, a giant bear emerges from nowhere, and begins to chase the poor priest. The bear gains on the priest, and the priest prays "Lord, change this bear into a Christan! Lord,change this bear into a Christan!" Suddenly, the bear got down on his knees and said,"Bless us oh Lord in these thy gifts which we are about to receive....." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What do you get when you cross a rooster and a peanut butter? Cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth. ---------------------------------------------- What do you get when you cross a hooker and a computer? F**king know it all. ---------------------------------------------- How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool. ---------------------------------------------- Why do blondes wear underwear? They make good ankle warmers. ---------------------------------------------- Why do blondes have bruises around their navel? They have blonde boyfriends. ---------------------------------------------- Why does a blonde only change her baby's dipers every month? Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ During the winter , Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami. "Excuse me," she said to the manager. "My name is Mrs. Goldstein, & I'd like a small room for two weeks." "I'm awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied." Just as he said that, a man came down & checked out. "What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there's a room." "Not so fast, Madam. I'm sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed." "Jewish? Who's Jewish? I happen to be Catholic." "I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?" "Jesus, Son of Mary." "Where was he born?" "In a stable." "And why was he born in a stable?" "Because a schmuck like you wouldn't let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!