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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ian@SI who wrote (44134)	1/26/2011 10:00:22 PM
From: Ian@SI	Respond to of 62592

2008 produced an overwhelming Darwin Award winner. No other contender came any where close. This one we've seen a few times before here. Priest Visits Boss (Padre Baloneiro) (Balloon Priest) 2008 DARWIN AWARD WINNER Confirmed True by Darwin (20 April 2008, Atlantic Ocean) A Catholic priest recently ascended to heaven on a helium host of party balloons, paying homage to Lawn Chair Larry's aerial adventure. In 1982, Lawnchair Larry attached 45 weather balloons to his lawnchair, packed a picnic lunch, and cut the tether--but instead of drifting above Los Angeles babescape as planned, he was rocketed into LAX air traffic lanes by the lift of the balloons! Astoundingly, Larry survived the flight, inspiring the movies Up! and Deckchair Danny, and Adelir Antonio, 51. This priest's audacious attempt to set a world record for clustered balloon flight was intended to publicize his plan to build spiritual rest stops for truckers. But as truckers know, sitting for 19 hours is not a trivial matter even in the comfort of your own lawn chair. The priest did take numerous precautions, including wearing a survival suit, flying a buoyant chair, and packing a satellite phone and GPS. However, the late A.A. made a fatal mistake. He did not know how to use the GPS. The winds changed, as winds do, and he was blown inexorably toward open sea. He could have parachuted to safety while over land but chose not to. When the voyager was perilously lost at sea, he finally phoned for help--but rescuers were unable to determine his location since he could not use his GPS. He struggled with the unit as the charge on the cellphone dwindled and died. Instead of a GPS, the Priest let God be his guide. Over the next few weeks, bits of balloons began appearing on mountains and beaches, indicating that God had guided him straight to heaven. Ultimately the priest's body surfaced, confirming that he had indeed paid a visit to his boss. The kicker? It's a Double Darwin. Catholic priests take vows of celibacy. Since priests voluntarily remove themselves from the genepool, the entire group earns a mass Darwin Award. Adelir Antonio wins twice!

To: Ian@SI who wrote (44134)	1/28/2011 10:15:31 PM
From: Aggie	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62592

Taliban calling for Mr. Darwin.....Taliban calling for Mr. Darwin. Osama note to self: When conducting terror campaign against Western Society, be sure and learn about the technology first before destroying it! Text message blows up suicide bomber by accident By Andrew Osborn, The Daily Telegraph January 26, 2011 A "Black Widow" suicide bomber planned a terrorist attack in central Moscow on New Year's Eve but was killed when an unexpected text message set off her bomb too early, according to Russian security sources. The unnamed woman, who is thought to be part of the same group that struck Moscow's Domodedovo airport on Monday, intended to detonate a suicide belt near Red Square on New Year's Eve in an attack that could have killed hundreds. Security sources believe a message from her mobile phone operator wishing her a happy new year (Cursed Infidels!) received just hours before the planned attack triggered her suicide belt, killing her at a safe house. Islamist terrorists in Russia often use mobile phones as detonators. The bomber's handler, who is usually watching their charge, sends the bomber a text message in order to set off his or her explosive belt at the moment when it is thought they can inflict maximum casualties. The dead woman has not been identified, but her husband is apparently serving time in jail for being a member of a radical Islamist terror group. Security sources believe the New Year's Eve bomber and the airport bombers may have been members of a suicide squad trained in Pakistan's al-Qaida strongholds which was sent to target the Russian capital's transport system. Nobody has been arrested in connection with Monday's bombing, which left 35 people dead. Police are trying to identify the severed head of a male suicide bomber recovered from the scene. Regards to all, Aggie