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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Pat W. who wrote (3911)	11/19/1997 9:39:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62558

Some clean-some dirty A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One owl to another: "How many times must I tell you -- it's 'whoooooooo' not 'whommmmmmm' ?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q1: What do Jehovah's Witnesses hate about Halloween? A1: All those strange people coming to their doors, asking for stuff. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A woman is having a drink at the bar when a guy sidles up to her and says, "Pardon me, I couldn't help but notice that you have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen." "Well, I never. You keep you filthy thoughts to yourself, you creep." She gets up and moves to the other end of the bar. He follows her over, sits down next to her and says "While you were walking away, I noticed that you also have a perfect perky little ass." "Sir, you are way out of line. I must ask you to leave me alone this instant." Undeterred, he replied "I tell you something else, I'd like to tip you upside down, fill your pussy with beer and drink you dry" "Sir, my husband will be arriving in ten minutes, and he's going to put a serious hurting on you for saying such things to me." Her husband arrives. The woman says "That greasy looking man over there said I have nice breasts." "I'll punch his lights out" replied the husband. "He also said I have a perfect ass" "He's really gonna get knocked out now." The burly husband said. "That's not all, he said he wants to tip me upside down, fill my pusy with beer and drink me dry" "Well, uh, maybe we better get going. I don't want to mess with anyone who can drink that much beer." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy gets arrested for poaching a Peregrine Falcon; an endangered species. When he comes up for arrainment before the judge he pleads that he was in the wilderness and starving and besides he didn't realize that the bird was an endangered species. The judge understandingly gives him a fine and a warning that if he does that again he will get a prison sentence. On his way out of the courtroom the judge quitely asks him, "What did that falcon taste like anyway? He says,"Well your honor, I'd say somewhere between a Bald Eagle and a Spotted Owl" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------