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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: S K who wrote (3941)	11/21/1997 12:47:00 PM
From: SJS	Respond to of 62558

Barbie wrote this letter...and got her wish. Chief Executive Officer Mattel, Inc. El Segundo, CA Dear Sir, Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties. I hate to break it to ya, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this year, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my 1998 resolution/wish list: 1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt? 2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite! 3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend, Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct. 4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the a forementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct. 5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done. 6. A sports bra. To wear until I get the surgery. 7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec! 8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum. 9. No more fast-food endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl. 10. Mattel stock options. It's been 38 years--I think I deserve it. Ok, Mr CEO, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society and your bottom line, I don't think these requests are out of order. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple. Yours truly, Barbie Dreamhouse Malibu, CA

To: S K who wrote (3941)	11/24/1997 11:34:00 AM
From: zoei crisafulli	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

A man walks into a bar sits down and orders a drink. He notices a beautiful women who comes over to join him. She says I have a proposition for you. I will do anything you want for $100 if you can say what you want done in three words. The man thinks hard and says let me get this straight, you will do ANYTHING I want for $100 if I can tell you what I want done in three words. The women say thats right. The man then stands up, reaches into his pocket, pulls out $100, looks her right in the eyes and says....paint my house.