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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SJS who wrote (3952)	11/21/1997 10:27:00 PM
From: BenYeung	Respond to of 62558

A Christmas must 4 everybod' dat s dawng > --------------- > EBONICS X-MAS > --------------- > > 'Twas da night befo' Christmas & all in the hood, > Not a homie was stirring cuz it was all good. > The tube socks was hung on the window sill > and we all had smiles up on our grill. > Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib > in the back bedroom, cuz that's how we live. > And Moms in her do-rag and me with my nine, > had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine. > > All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by, > Bumpin' phat beats cuz the system's fly. > I bounced to the window at a quarter pas' > 'Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's ass! > well anyway.... > > I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this! > She said, Stop frontin' & just mind yo' bidness. > I said, for real doe, come check dis out. > > We weren't even buggin', no worries, no doubt. > Cuz bumpin' an thumpin' from around da way > Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh. > > Da beats was kickin', da ride was phat > I said, "Yo red Dawg, you all that!" > He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz, > "Ay yo, give it up, let's make some noise!" > To the top of the projects & across the strip mall, > We gots ta go, I got a booty call!" > > He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof, > and sippin' on a 40, he busted a move. > > I yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!" > he said, "Damn homie, deese projects is whack! > But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz > I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz." > Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings > a credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin. > He slid down the fire exscape smoove as a cat, > and busted the window wit' a b-ball bat. > > I said, "Wassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?" > he said,"You best get on up out of my face!" > His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold, > His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old. > > He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side. > Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide. > A wink of his eye and a shine off his gold toof, > He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof > He jumped in his hooptie wit' rims made of chrome, > To tap that booty waitin' at home. > > And all I heard as he cruised outta sight, > was a loud and hearty..... > "WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!"

To: SJS who wrote (3952)	11/23/1997 9:45:00 PM
From: Egolpi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Are you familiar with this one: A man walks into a bar and notices a dog licking himself in the corner. He says to the bartender, "I wish I could do that". "Go ahead", says the bartender, "He don't bite".

To: SJS who wrote (3952)	11/26/1997 5:08:00 PM
From: Joseph E. McIsaac	Respond to of 62558

Fed up with the hectic lifestyle of being a stockbroker, Joe and his wife decide to give it all up to become pig farmers. So they buy 4 female pigs and contact a local pig farmer to get them studded. "It'll cost you $100 per pig", says the farmer, "but I guarantee my results". When asked how they will know if the pigs are pregnant, the farmer replies, "Pigs never lie in the sun when they get pregnant". Satisfied, Joe tells the farmer that he'll bring the pigs right over. So Joe loads the 4 pigs into the back of his truck and drives them to the farm. There, he waits around for the remainder of the day, brings the pigs home, and goes to sleep. In the morning, he looks out the window to see all 4 pigs lying in the sunshine. "Bring 'em back", says the farmer, "I guarantee my results". So Joe loads the pigs up into his truck, drives to the farm, and spends another entire day at the farm. The next morning, Joe looks out the window to see, unfortunately, that the pigs are again lying in the sun. "It didn't work again", groaned Joe over the phone. "I guarantee my results. Bring them back one more time and I'll use my champion stud this time". So Joe once again loads the pigs up into the back of the truck and drives them to the farm. The next morning, Joe asks his wife, "Honey, I can't bear to see those pigs in the sun again. Would you please look out the window and tell me what they're doing?". His wife looks out the window and says, "Oh my!!". "What", says Joe, "are they lying in the shade???". "Nooo...", says his wife. "Ahhh, then they're lying in the sun again", said Joe. "Well, noooo..., they're not lying in the sun, either". "Well then, what are they doing?", asked Joe. "Well, three of the pigs are in the back of the truck, and the fourth is in the front seat beeping the horn".