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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Bargain Hunter who wrote (46895)	5/16/2012 7:06:49 PM
From: anandnvi	3 Recommendations Respond to of 62567

Starstruck by the latest Mega Millions jackpot, a dumb blonde risks $20 on a lottery ticket for the next draw. As luck would have it, she wins. A Mega Millions official informs her that the Grand Prize of $20M awaits her on producing the right ticket. Wearing her best clothes for TV, she shows up with the ticket but learns there is a catch. "Ma'am, we would have to hold back $6M in taxes due the government", the official informs her. The blonde is furious. "Why do I have to pay taxes on my hard earned money?" "Ma'am, we're sorry but we are just following rules. The remaining $14M is yours to take and keep." The blonde suspects she is being taken for a ride, and retorts "Sorry, but I demand the entire $20M right now - either that, or I need my $20 back."

To: Bargain Hunter who wrote (46895)	5/16/2012 8:36:22 PM
From: Redfisher	7 Recommendations Respond to of 62567

Newsbusters catches Sykes' latest high-larious political material: "[Romney] says whatever should be said in front of that organization. He's like the Forrest Gump of candidates. He was in Michigan. “I like cars. My wife has a car.” You know? He was in Wisconsin, “Had myself a grilled cheese sandwich today. That was nice.” I would love to see him in front of NOW. “Boy, women, boy I like women. You know, my wife has a vagina. I like that. I like that.”

To: Bargain Hunter who wrote (46895)	5/16/2012 9:16:46 PM
From: Amots	4 Recommendations Respond to of 62567

HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight? WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In days long past, a Chinese emperor needed a new samurai to be his personal bodyguard. He sent out a message to all the lands summoning the best warriors to his court in three years time.The day of the summoning arrives, and only three warriors present themselves. The first, a Japanese Samurai, stepped forward. He opened a matchbox to release a fly into the air. With a slash of his sword, the tiny fly drops to the ground, chopped in half. The second, a Chinese Samurai, stepped forward. He too opened a matchbox to release a mosquito into the air. With two quick chops, the mosquito dropped dead in four pieces. The third, a Jewish Samurai, stepped forward. He opened his matchbox to set a small fruit fly flying in the air. He slashed the air, but the fruit fly continued to fly. The Emperor, disappointed, asked why the fruit fly was not dead. The Jewish Samurai replied, "If you look closely, you will notice that the fruit fly was just circumcised."

To: Bargain Hunter who wrote (46895)	5/16/2012 11:43:25 PM
From: Judi Simpson	7 Recommendations Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62567

You might be a redneck if. . . it never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God. . ." you've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places. you still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival." you bow your head when someone prays. you stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem. you treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have. you've never burned an American flag. you know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening. you respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same. you'd give your last dollar to a friend. We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of them.