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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: bob who wrote (4090)	12/8/1997 4:06:00 PM
From: Mike Winn	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Limp Results From Penile 'Stress Test' NEW YORK (Reuters) -- Tests on the impotence drug alprostadil reveal that use of the medication increases penile blood flow, but may not result in firm and lasting erections. "There was an increase in (penile) volume, up to 114%," say researchers at the Centre for Impotence and Fertility in Rome, Italy, "but not many (erections) had a real and lasting hardness." Their report appears in this week's issue of the British journal The Lancet. Alprostadil is administered in the form of a small pellet which, inserted into the urethra, can stimulate blood flow within erectile tissue. A 1996 study of 1,511 impotent men, published in The New England Journal of Medicine, found that nearly two thirds of men using the drug achieved scores of 4 ('erection sufficient for intercourse') and 5 ('rigid erection') on the standard 5-point Erection Assessment Scale (EAS). Sixty-five percent of those men went on to report successful intercourse occurring at least once during a three-month period of using the drug, compared with just 19% of those on placebo. The new Italian research focused on 123 impotent men, most of whom had already tried anti-impotence therapies involving the injection of medications directly into the penis. The investigators say special scanning devices detected immediate increases in penile blood flow (and penile volume) in all 123 men after insertion of alprostadil into the urethra. However, instead of using the EAS to measure erectile strength, the researchers chose what they considered to be a more "objective method." Erections were judged to be "positive" only "when a downward... strength of 1 kilogram did not buckle the penis." To test for such 'buckling,' they dangled 1 kilogram (approximately a half pound) weights from each erect penis. A special pressure-monitor was wrapped around erections to test for radial rigidity as well. The result? "Complete rigidity" was obtained by just 11 of the 123 study subjects, and a "full and not a lasting erection (1 to 2 minutes)" was achieved by only 16. "There seems to be no correlation between volume increase and hardness," the authors conclude. They say most of the men in the study seemed less than pleased with alprostadil's overall effectiveness -- "five patients wished to try the system at home, two of them got good results, the rest wished to stay on... (penile) injections." SOURCE: The Lancet (1997;350:1682)

To: bob who wrote (4090)	1/25/1998 3:17:00 AM
From: bob	Respond to of 62558

A hillbilly walks into a bar and walks up to the bar tender. After spying to chicks down the back, he says to the bar tender and says "2 beers to the ladys down the back please". "I don't think you want to do that" say the bar man, "their lesbian's, not really your sort" Confused, he walks over to them and asks what a lesbian. They look at each other and start laughing. "Well, we are lesbians because we like eating pussy, and sucking tits"... The hillbilly thinks, " I like that too!!"then turns to the bar tender with a bit of a grin says, "can we have 3 beer, for us 3 lesbians!"

To: bob who wrote (4090)	1/25/1998 3:22:00 AM
From: bob	Respond to of 62558

Two doctors in a Navy hospital hallway were complaining about Nurse Jenny: "She's incredibly stupid. She does everything absolutely backwards," said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 ours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He almost died on us!" The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 4 hours. She tried to give him 4 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!" Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Damn!" said the first doctor, breaking into a run. "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Admiral Smith's boil!"

To: bob who wrote (4090)	1/25/1998 3:27:00 AM
From: bob	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

WHY THE INTERNET IS LIKE A PENIS: * It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. * In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time. * It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before. * It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late. * If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses. * It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently. * We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant. * If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble. * It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself, "why on earth did I do that?" * Some folks have it, some don't. * Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong. * Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it. * Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.

To: bob who wrote (4090)	1/25/1998 3:29:00 AM
From: bob	Respond to of 62558

Q: What did one jail inmate say the other when he heard him fart? A: Virgin! Q - Why do women close their eyes when they're having sex? A - So they can pretend they're shopping. A recently divorced woman decided to get a pet so she won't feel that lonely. When the store manager finds out she feels lonely, he tells her "I have a really special offer for you. I have this frog, you see, who has been trained... uhmmm... to o oral favors to women". The lady's eyes light up and she buys the frog for $500. At home, she puts on a sexy night gown, gets into bed, puts the frog between her legs, and commands it to lick her up. nothing. She gets completely naked and does the same thing. Still nothing. Exasperated, she calls the store owner then and there, at the middle of the night. He comes over, takes off his shirt and tie, and tells the frog: "look, this is the LAST TIME I show you how this is done, OK???"