To: Big Dog who wrote (4752 ) 12/10/1997 3:34:00 PM From: bw Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 95453
The Gastronomical Bean Story > >Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for >baked beans. He loved them, but they always had a very >embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he >met a girl and fell in love. > >Like many stories, the couple married and lived happily >ever after. She was such a sweet, gentle, prim and proper sort of >girl that he made the supreme sacrifice - he gave up beans. > >Some months later his car broke down on the way >home from work. He called his wife and told her that he would be >late since he would have to walk home. En route, he passed by a >small cafe where the odor of freshly baked beans was overwhelming. >He still had quite a distance to walk. He figured that >any reaction could be worked off before he arrived home, so he >stopped in at the cafe. > >By the time he left the cafe, he had consumed three large orders of >beans. Since he putt-putted all the way home, he felt >reasonably safe after arriving that he putt-putted his last. He >kissed his wife who was glad to see him home safe. She exclaimed >delightedly, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner >tonight!" Then she blindfolded him and led him to a chair at the head >of the table, making sure he could not see a thing. > >Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the >telephone rang. She made him promise not to peek or touch the >blindfold until she returned. Then she went down the hall to answer >the phone. > >This was the opportunity he was hoping for. Taking advantage of it, >he shifted his weight to one leg and let go with a big one. >Not only was it loud, but ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin >off his lap and fanned the air around him. Just as things were >returning to normal, he felt another urge and let go again. This one >was a true prize-winner. Keeping his ear tuned to the conversation >down the hall, he continued the routine of shifting his weight from >one leg to the other producing a veritable "fanfare of flatulence." >Finally, after about 10 minutes he heard his wife say good-bye on the >phone, and knew that his freedom had come to an end. > >He placed the napkin on his lap, folded his hands on top of it, and >smiled contentedly to himself. He was truly a picture of innocence >when his wife returned. She apologized for taking so long on >the phone and asked if he had peeked during her absence. He >assured her that he had not. > >At this point, she removed the blindfold to reveal her surprise. >There before him sat twelve guests around the table, gathered for a >Happy Birthday dinner. > >